She has a lot to take care of, but one thing she seemed to be procrastinating on was the divorce. There were a few other red flags too. In an effort to enroll in school she needed all types of important documents like tax forms, birth certificate and the like. All of the very important information was still at her ex’s house. Years ago I gave her a file box and told her she needed to keep all her records in order. When we rescued her my husband asked her specifically if she had this information and she said yes.

At this point I am just trying to figure out how much of it was a lie. I am thinking all of it. I got upset with both her and her sister because they weren’t doing anything to help themselves and sleeping in, watching TV, doing nothing productive while my husband and I were killing ourselves to make everything as smooth as possible for them. Out of this came the fact the the rescued daughter said, “well I could have stayed with friends.” “What friends”? I ask. She replies with the same friend she gradually moved all her stuff out of and into her ex’s pig sty.

I went about my business but this was being mulled over in my brain. Why would she say that? I know she didn’t want to stay there. And why would she leave her most important documents at the ex’s? Since she has a court date to go back for the protective order I wanted answers before she went. So I asked her. And it all became clear. She was just trying to get a quick education to go back. I am not saying she would go back to him, but now that I think about it I could be wrong about that too. But it was like a flood, a very upsetting flood. After all we’ve tried to do for her she was just using us. Her ideal situation would be for us to bankroll her mistakes and life without interference, and this is basically what she said. I told her it wouldn’t matter she still needed to take care of all results of the bad choices she has made.

Needless to say I am extremely upset. Not just for the fact that my daughter just wants me for money, but my deep concern for my grandaughter. I can’t even think about her without crying. Naturally my daughter thinks I am overreacting to what her ex may do to her or the baby. The sad part is my daugher is deeply loved and always has been, she doesn’t do drugs or drink, she is stone cold sober, yet she still has no control over her life and it is totally screwed by the choices she has made depsite pleading advice from all who love her.

She cannot get a traffic ticket because she will not take care of it, it always goes to a suspended license. She is being sued by the electric company because her ex won’t pay the bill and her name was still on the bill after she moved out – this is also something we told her to be sure she took care of and she didn’t. She would never get a babysitter so every time her ex and her had the same hours she had to take off because her refused to. He would never watch the baby anyway, he left at any opportunity. If he was supposed to be watching her it was pure neglect. Every time I saw him supposedly watching her he was sitting on the couch either playing video games or surfing the Web while the baby was crying for a bottle right next to him as an infant and crawling in filth when she got older. One time his brother mentioned this to him while everybody was taking care of the house and the baby he just sat there playing video games. They ended up getting in a physical fight and put giant holes in the walls and broke the portable crib from crashing into them. Thank God the baby wasn’t in it or she’d be dead.

I could go on and on, it is very fucked up. My helping her did nothing but drain my bank account. I am wondering by me helping just made matters worse. Maybe the best thing would be to let her go to a shelter. If it was just my daughter would be one thing, but now my granddaughter is going to be destroyed.

I had a picture of my granddaughter on my cell phone as my wallpaper and I had to change it because I just can’t think about what is going to happen to her and how much I am going to miss her. Actually, changing the picture doesn’t help. I know what was there and it upsets me just to look at the stupid phone. I have no idea what to do at this point.

This is worse than when I realized my younger brother did nothing but use me my whole entire life - realized that when I was about 40, you can imagine how much that hurt. We didn’t get along as kids, but when we got a little older I was his protector and savior. 30 years later I found out he was just taking advantage.

I almost think my other daughter is glad. This way she can become the focal point again and all resources will go to her. I think the two of them were commiserating. I am sure she is also just biding her time. She doesn’t even want to talk about her sister nor the situation, my guess is she doesn’t want to be implicated in any way. I took all of the cars keys and she says she is being punished. I told her she has her own set of issues and she just shut up after that.

I am not sure what hurts more me thinking about my kids and what they have become or the fact that they just don’t give a shit.

The part I do not understand is that everybody who cares about her in her life, which is a lot of people, have been telling her for years the people she hangs around with are not good for her and it has only escalated exponentially in the past year. Everybody was telling her the same thing but she kept plodding forward into depair. Actually this is the third time we’ve pulled her out of this situation in less than a year. The first time we told her she needed to disconnect, take time for herself, and figure out how she wanted to move forward, but instead she kept in touch with the abuser and all her friends that were no good and she was soon out of the house again. At this time she was not pregnant.

All I can think is that she just cannot help her behavior and can only hope she will grow as she gets older and is helped by therapy because it is a lot more than just my daughter at stake but also my granddaughter and I couldn’t stand to let her be in that environment. I just knew something horrible was going to happen because he never watched her and the house was unfit for anybody and he would let her crawl around putting God knows what into her mouth, she would fall off the couch and out of her crib. I was really afraid she was going to be killed.

I never thought of my father as an aloholic because it was like he didn’t always drink and when he did it wasn’t always crazy. When it was crazy, it was bad crazy, but I can say I can never remember a moment when it was towards me, I think in my case it was what happened in front on me that made me just stand there, motionless.